Crossroads

I was going to write this last night but honestly needed a few hours to stew about it and bemoan my life.  Oh, I  didn't learn anything from it..of course not. That'd make too much sense wouldn't it?  Maybe I should start from the beginning or I guess middle, as I've already established previously I have no clue where the beginning is. 

My road to fear-induced self-discovery began last week when I came to a crossroads in my job.  The company I work for is great...my supervisor is great....the work itself is, well, not great because work seldom is, but I was good at it.  I had all that going for me, and I was still miserable.  Why?  If I knew that, I'd be dancing around the yard like a crazy person smelling the butterflies and chasing the flowers.  So, I made the decision to quit my job.  And I never do that...never do what is not responsible, not reliable, not for the most part logical.  Now that I think about it, perhaps I'm half Vulcan.  Hmmm.  Regardless, after a lot of ugly crying and nonsensical rambling, I did it...I gave my notice.  It scared the hell out of me but continuing on as I had been scared me even more.  So I did it.  In the movies, this is the part usually where you see the hero/heroine striding purposefully toward the horizon having faced life's hurdles and won as Aerosmith plays in the background.  I sat on the couch and cried.....with the Spongebob Squarepants theme song helping me along.  It wasn't pretty. 

Cut to a few days later.  I haven't cried as much.  I only want to throw up all that time, but I guess that's an improvement.  And then I get THE E-MAIL.  My job wanted me to work a few more weeks past my quit date.  And I said yes.  So much for self-discovery.  Not that working for a few more weeks is such a bad thing.  But then why do I feel the velvet talons of safety pulling me back in? I'm not brave...never have been.  I don't know if I can do this.