April 20, 2010

It's My Birthday and I'll Cry If I Want To

Actually, yesterday was my birthday, and it was a pretty good day.  I received a lot of good wishes from family and friends, a few very sweet cards and even sweeter presents.  So why do I feel  so deflated today?  Maybe it's because birthdays have always been kind of like New Year's to me....a time of renewal of dreams and hopes for myself and my life.  Except this year, I don't really have that.  Yes, I started this blog as part of journey I hope I'm beginning.  Seems lately more of a tip-toe forward, dead-stop, whole step back, then another tip-toe forward.  Am I progressing, doing the Jitter Bug, or just making really bad dance analogies about my life? 

I have less than 2 weeks left at my job and in many ways feel I'm hanging too much importance on that.  I can't sit around here moping in the meantime waiting for life to begin anew. But, life is now...this second.  And I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it.  I didn't even pray this morning.  One tiny little thing I can do to bring myself closer to God and hopefully myself.  *sigh* Excuse me while the maudlin strum of the violin plays me out.......

No comments: